Groveport Ohio, USA- URGENT NEWS FLASH!!!
It is being reported today that a
serial killer is terrifying much of North America. This vicious murderer is responsible for
thousands of dead Rhododendron plants across the US that have weakened root
systems due to high PH soils.
After discovering the grisly
crime scene of 5 dead Rhododendrons at the Groveport Municipal Building, the
Township Sheriff remarked, “This is just horrible; one of the most gruesome
crime scenes I have ever investigated.” Forensics later revealed the soil ph to
be about neutral. “They never saw it coming.”
Other instances of dead
Rhododendron plants are being discovered across the Midwest section of the
nation almost daily. Fear amongst home
owners and Garden Clubs has reached a paralyzing level.
In response to this national
threat, the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) is teaming up with Decker’s
Nursery, Plant Propagation experts who are affiliated with the International
Plant Propagators Society (IPPS). “We
just may have a plan of attack,” said a FBI Spokesperson.
Special Agent Miller addresses crowd |
Hope may be just around the corner. The Joint Task Force has added a new expert, Plants Nouveau.
“Plants Nouveau is the licensing agent for a new higher PH
tolerant Rhododendron known as Inkarho #37.
If we use the talents of the Propagators at Decker’s Nursery to graft
scions of North American cultivars onto Inkarho #37 understocks, we can use
these new plants for distribution into the parts of the United States currently
terrorized by this serial killer,” stated the FBI in a news conference. “We may not be able to put Phytophthora
Root Rot in a jail cell, but we can stop the madness.The FBI has taken all steps
possible to guard and protect the young plants necessary to develop this
program. “Security is tight,” said the FBI spokesperson, “I would not want to
be a Pathogen attempting to sneak into Decker’s Nursery to do harm.”
“The supply of grafted Inkarho
#37 Rhododendron cultivars continues to grow and is spreading across the
country as we speak.” reported the FBI. “We expect to see the instances of
murdered plants decline soon
.
Gardeners across the nation have expressed hope in these efforts. “Thank Goodness for the skilled grafters at Decker’s Nursery,” professed one relieved homeowner. “Spring can once again be a beautiful time of year!”
.
Gardeners across the nation have expressed hope in these efforts. “Thank Goodness for the skilled grafters at Decker’s Nursery,” professed one relieved homeowner. “Spring can once again be a beautiful time of year!”
Brian Decker
Der Prasident
Tee-Shirt Model
Hopefully we will not see too much of this in NZ as natural topsoil is more acidic
ReplyDeleteThe pH of natural topsoils of New Zealand soils ranges from less than 4.0 to more than 6.0.
The ideal pH for growing many agriculturally and horticulturally important plants is between
6.0 and 7.0. If the pH of a soil is significantly lower than this, agricultural lime(stone) is
added to neutralise the acidity and raise the pH