Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Serial Killer Identified in North America!

Groveport Ohio, USA-                        URGENT NEWS FLASH!!!

It is being reported today that a serial killer is terrifying much of North America.  This vicious murderer is responsible for thousands of dead Rhododendron plants across the US that have weakened root systems due to high PH soils.

After discovering the grisly crime scene of 5 dead Rhododendrons at the Groveport Municipal Building, the Township Sheriff remarked, “This is just horrible; one of the most gruesome crime scenes I have ever investigated.” Forensics later revealed the soil ph to be about neutral. “They never saw it coming.”

Other instances of dead Rhododendron plants are being discovered across the Midwest section of the nation almost daily.  Fear amongst home owners and Garden Clubs has reached a paralyzing level.
Man consoles friend after loss

In response to this national threat, the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) is teaming up with Decker’s Nursery, Plant Propagation experts who are affiliated with the International Plant Propagators Society (IPPS).  “We just may have a plan of attack,” said a FBI Spokesperson.

Special Agent Miller addresses crowd
FBI Investigators now believe that Phytophthora Root Rot may prove to be the killer. “It appears this mass murderer preys on the weak rooted victims,” said the Spokesperson.  “When the Rhododendrons are planted in a high ph soil they weaken…and that’s when this vicious killer moves in.”

Hope may be just around the corner.  The Joint Task Force has added a new expert, Plants Nouveau.

“Plants Nouveau is the licensing agent for a new higher PH tolerant Rhododendron known as Inkarho #37.  If we use the talents of the Propagators at Decker’s Nursery to graft scions of North American cultivars onto Inkarho #37 understocks, we can use these new plants for distribution into the parts of the United States currently terrorized by this serial killer,” stated the FBI in a news conference.  “We may not be able to put Phytophthora Root Rot in a jail cell, but we can stop the madness.The FBI has taken all steps possible to guard and protect the young plants necessary to develop this program. “Security is tight,” said the FBI spokesperson, “I would not want to be a Pathogen attempting to sneak into Decker’s Nursery to do harm.”

“The supply of grafted Inkarho #37 Rhododendron cultivars continues to grow and is spreading across the country as we speak.” reported the FBI. “We expect to see the instances of murdered plants decline soon


Gardeners across the nation have expressed hope in these efforts. “Thank Goodness for the skilled grafters at Decker’s Nursery,” professed one relieved homeowner. “Spring can once again be a beautiful time of year!”
Brian Decker
Der Prasident
Tee-Shirt Model

1 comment:

  1. Hopefully we will not see too much of this in NZ as natural topsoil is more acidic

    The pH of natural topsoils of New Zealand soils ranges from less than 4.0 to more than 6.0.
    The ideal pH for growing many agriculturally and horticulturally important plants is between
    6.0 and 7.0. If the pH of a soil is significantly lower than this, agricultural lime(stone) is
    added to neutralise the acidity and raise the pH